I found this to be a great post that I could really relate to. Right now I’m at the place in my life where I’m not waiting for the other shoe to drop – not expecting to pick up the phone and hear the worst news. Now, I’m definitely not saying that I’ve had the worst or hardest life by any means, but from the age of eighteen to about twenty-four, both of my parents were diagnosed with some intense forms of cancer, and they each went through different treatments, operations, hospital stays, good days and bad days. Thank GOD they are both cancer free now. It was about a year ago I was sitting at home in my mothers’ kitchen, and I looked at my mom, and like a punch in the stomach it hit me – what if she hadn’t made it through her stage four lymphoma? What if my dad hadn’t made it through all of his issues and cancer? I remember choking back a gut wrenching sob, taking a deep breath and carefully choosing something else to focus on. I know that a time will come where I will have to deal with death and illness again, but I am so thankful to be at a place in my life where I’m not expecting and fearing the worse. It took a lot of time and work so far, but I am so happy to have made it here! As she says, bring on the marvelous.
I have a digital “diary”, if you will, where I work on posts before I actually post them. Occasionally, I put notes there, in anticipation that someday they may turn into a thought worth exploring. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don’t.
Today as I was scrolling through some of those notes, I came across this entry from a couple of months ago…
I’m tired of bracing for the worst so that I can be relieved, if not surprised, that things turned out ok. I’m ready to be ok with being ok, but surprised by something marvelous.
And it occurred to me as I read that, only today, that I think I am finally ok with being ok. I’m not broken. I’m not grieving. I’m not distraught. I’m not angry. I’m not irreparable. I’m not bracing for the worst.
I’m finally ok. At least for today. 😉
Today I am thankful for…
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